i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
