I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
