got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
