ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Randomize
