so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
