the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
