she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Randomize
