This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
This is the high leading the old right now
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I need a beard to bite.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
