Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
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