No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
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