We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
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Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
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It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
try to milk me bitch
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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