I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Houston, we have a squirter
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
