you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Randomize
