is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
