I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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