$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Randomize
