I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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