I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
