what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
