there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
