so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
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He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
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I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
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