I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
