You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
