It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
