i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
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