Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
