I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
