you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Randomize
