her vagina looked like bernie madoff
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
