I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
