Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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