i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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