Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
