I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
