she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
