She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
