i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
