oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
