The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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