Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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