you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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