Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize