Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Randomize
