Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
The air was thick with penises
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
