If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
