You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
