I must be too annoying 4 u.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Randomize
