somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
We left the knife in your bed.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
