I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
