I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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