3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
