his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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