This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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