I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
i think i have herpe
just one?
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Randomize
