True but thats because hes a fetus.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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