And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
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