turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Randomize
