my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
