Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
