sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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