So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Congratulations! We have a period
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
