Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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