The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
