the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Randomize
