Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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